Dear Baby: 53rd natural letter for my baby

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Posted on : 08-07-2010 | By : dutdot | In : All about my baby, Book-Making, Expat Blogging, Food, NATURAL LETTERS, Nutrition, Parenting
GOOD NIGHT DEAR BABY
Image by c.fuentes2007 via Flickr

T H E  53rd  L E T T E R

July 8, 2010 @ 1:12a.m.

Dear Baby,

I LOVE YOU, Baby.

I’M VERY SORRY, TOO.

Here I am at 1:12a.m. in our living room and in front of my laptop, writing a letter to you again, telling you how much I love you, and how sorry I am for being a bad mother at times.

Mommy is just exhausted. You don’t seem to grow well. It’s because you don’t want to eat at all. I understand that you’re at the age wherein you seem to be a picky eater and that you want to exercise your independence. But, my lovely baby, you’ve been like that since you’re two months old.

Daddy and Mommy were talking last night about you – how you’ve been when you’re still a small baby. You didn’t want to be massaged; you’d arch your back; you’d stand when you’re being diapered even when it’s already soiled with wee or poop; you wouldn’t take your vitamins; you wouldn’t drink your milk; you wouldn’t want to be bathed…

And, yes, my darling, now that you’re a toddler – you’re 15 months old now, you still love to act independently. Ahh, I need to add to the above list that you wouldn’t want your fingernails to be cut! Now you have monster nails both in your hands and toes. And how you love to scratch Mommy’s arms with your monster nails! :)

Oh, baby, I love you much and I am sorry for the many times that Mommy has been irritable lately. Mommy’s just exhausted, pretty much exhausted because of a lot of things going on. I just needed you to EAT, and GROW well. I do hope that you’d follow Mommy once in a while especially during eating time.

For over a month now, we’ve been trying to follow what you want – eating outside at McDonald’s because you could eat the Hash Browns there without fret, and the Mashed Potato at the IKEA resto. This is kinda high maintenance because we don’t have a car yet, and going to the IKEA by taxi is quite costly. But don’t worry, by all means, Mommy’s gonna try to copy the mashed potato recipe at IKEA. Mommy tried to make mashed potato, but, it’s quite sticky! You ate the first mashed potato I made, but, you didn’t eat the second one. The gravy sauce, too, wasn’t that appetizing. Ugh.

No matter how much I tried to convince my mind that you needed to be raised in the Philippines because the air there is fresh, there are lots of food choices to choose from, there are many who’d be willing to take care of you, it’s not costly to get a nanny, I just couldn’t leave you there. I wish to stay with you there for five months, but, my mind says it’s time to work outside home.

Last night, I told Daddy about the option that while you’ll be out of the country for five months, I’d just make use of that time to be pregnant with your baby sib, our second baby. I was considering first of working outside home while you’re away from me for health reasons, but, thought that 5 months would be non-stressful for me to conceive and be pregnant during the first and second trimesters. I wouldn’t have to worry of you because Mama and Papa, your grandparents, will be taking good care of you. Daddy told me to stay with you while pregnant. I told him I really don’t want to be stressed out with your eating habits. Daddy teased me, “you really wanted to be away from baby”. That’s a lie. That’s the last thing I ever wanted to do.

Mommy may be at times not minding you, but, Mommy’s here for you 24×7. It’s been over two years now (although you’re just 15 months old; I am counting the 9 months I carried you) that we’ve been together 24×7. Mommy couldn’t live without you. Mommy couldn’t sleep without you. There may be times that I want to be alone, but, may be, just for my peace of mind, and clarity, too. I need a breathing space, too. I need sometime to work on myself. I can only do that when you’re already asleep. Even though you’re already sleeping, and I’m working in my laptop, Mommy feels guilty. When I don’t seem to teach you your alphabet or your reading lessons, I feel guilty, too. Baby, please bear with Mommy. I think I am just overly stressed these days. I have been too hard on myself lately. I’m so sorry for the times I just lose my temper and sigh out of exasperation and despair. Maybe if you’d just eat with gusto all the time, all my anxieties will disappear.

And yes, may be, if we have our new nanny at home, things would become much easier to handle. At least, Mommy wouldn’t cook with you tagging along at the kitchen; Mommy wouldn’t pee at the bathroom with you on my arms. I wish the right nanny will come along – S O O N.

We’ll be together, baby, wherever Mommy and Daddy are. Mommy won’t leave you this September during our vacation back home. Mommy will forever take care of you even though it’s kinda hard for Mommy to do it alone, even though you’re a picky eater most of the time, even though the house is a jungle at all times.

I realized the real solution is to have a nanny who can help Mommy on the household chores so Mommy can concentrate on taking good care of you, and not on vacuuming your messes! Haha. You really love to mess a lot, baby. Daddy’s fond of referring you as “kalatista”. When you’re old enough to understand that word, we’ll tell you.

Anyways, baby, I love you with all my heart. I shall be back with vigor and fresh ideas on how to handle you. Thank you for pampering me with your kisses. You really know how to catch Mommy’s attention when I’m busy with my laptop, you’d kiss Mommy all over my pants just so I’d get you and carry you in my arms. You’re such a darling.

iloveyou,

mommy

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