It’s Mother’s Day (Philippines and elsewhere that celebrates it every May) on May 8. Usually, in Kuwait, I celebrate Mother’s Day twice – every March of the year, and another every May (celebration of Mother’s Day in the Philippines). This is the first time I’ll gonna pay tribute to myself, being a mother, and soon-to-be a new mom again next month. (I know I am forever grateful to my Mama, and that calls for another post).

This tribute all started when I saw the green cap I wore at the hospital during my delivery of my first baby. I saw it just a few minutes ago while looking for my yellow card at the Farwaniya Hospital. I didn’t know that I was able to keep the green cap in an unlabeled and unsealed envelope.

Upon opening the envelope that contains the green cap, all of the memories during the delivery of my 1st baby came flooding through my consciousness. I found my hands trembling a bit, out of sheer excitement, perhaps, or the feeling of anxiety, happiness, tears, and joy all rolled into one – INDESCRIBABLE FEELING, I could say. Then, I found myself kissing the green cap as soon as I got it from the envelope.

I immediately put back the green cap on the envelope, as soon as I found myself reminiscing all that happened on that day of March 27, 2009, because my throat was already somehow painful from controlling myself to bursting into tears.

Everything came rushing through my memory — starting from the time I bled at home as early as 5a.m. in the morning, to the time I went to the hospital — where I was examined at the examination room, and that was darned painful when the doctor conducted an Internal Examination, then to the time I was given a suppository up to the time I went to the bathroom to excrete the feces; then I was brought into the labor room and the dilation was sooooo slow I had to beg the nurse to let me go home because I was attached in a monitor — but of course she didn’t grant my request. I also had to bear the time I was asking a nurse to help me go to the bathroom to pee, and she responded so late that my bladder was about to burst, and also the time that my dextrose was already excreting blood from me. Ahhh, all those painful memories…and the moments I called upon my three patrons by singing praise songs, and the power of my subconscious mind that I used while on labor…and then, after 3 hours of true labor, the moment came when I finally heard my nurse say, “10cm fully dilated!the baby is coming!” — the same words that I uttered over and over again during the labor period.

I held my breath when the nurse who delivered my baby didn’t answer when I asked her about the condition of my baby upon getting out from my vagina. I didn’t hear her cry. I got paranoid. The more that I got paranoid when she didn’t answer and she told me to keep quiet! Ugggh. That was tough, you know.The moment I got hold of my baby or had a glimpse of her for the first time was very emotional. She was so smallish that I was afraid to touch her for fear of hurting her. Then after three longish hours of waiting, we were finally reunited. God, I didn’t know what to do with my new baby then. I was afraid of hurting her, really, so I didn’t bother to hug her or got her up from her bed no matter how much I wanted to. I was all alone in that hospital bed. My husband was at home. I was then a first time mom, a mom who didn’t know anything about breastfeeding, changing diapers, and so on. I was naked, too, only wearing that hospital lab gown which was open at the back. I had to get up, and call my husband, so I left my baby on her bed.  Without slippers on my feet, I struggled to walk down the corridor, not minding the coldness of the floor, and I was still heavily bleeding. In between tears, I called my husband, and he was crying as well on the other line. Tears of joy, tears of wanting to hug us both – me and our baby girl. The clock went ticking so slowly. I was starving. There was no food. I had to make a call again to my husband, this time, I put on the long napkins onto my feet. The nurse (at the delivery room) gave me extra three napkins. I used the two napkins in my feet, so there was only one napkin left for my perusal.

TOUGH times. TOUGH moments for a new mother like me then. My baby and I were all alone in that hospital bed that we were occupying. Some of the mothers who delivered there had things, had clothes/slippers. Perhaps they delivered earlier, and their spouses or visitors were able to visit them and gave them their things. My baby and I were just covered with the hospital stuffs because I delivered at past 6p.m., and my husband was already sent home because he was told I might give birth at 2a.m. Visitors were only allowed to visit until 7p.m., and he knew my delivery at past 8p.m. already.

Being a mother is both tough and sweet. Being a mother doesn’t begin the moment one conceives, and the moment one pops out her baby vaginally or from the tummy. Being a mother doesn’t start the moment the rooster crows up to the time the sun sets. Being a mother is an eternal role that one plays.

Sometimes a mother may falter from her role, just like me, but it’s just temporary. We can always get back to what we do best – mothering and genuinely loving our children from the bottom of our hearts. Even at sleep, we think of our children. We are awakened at the slight cries of our babies. There is this unique connection between mothers and children. We can feel when our children are feeling. We are hurting even more when they are hurting.

This tribute to myself as a mother is also a tribute to my own mother. The moment I became a mother, I learned to honor more my mother. I will forever be grateful for my mother who carried me in her womb for nine months, and who braced herself into letting me out in this world, and experience the life out there. For without my mother and father as well, I may not be in this world to feel and enjoy all the events unfolding motherhood.

To my mother, thank you, Mama, for bearing the pain and for bringing me into this world with the help of Papa.

To my 1st baby, and my 2nd baby on the way, thank you for making me your mommy.

To my husband, thank you, Daddy, for being there and for sharing the genes of our lovely bundles of joy.

I love you all.

To myself, thank you for the courage that I have learned to muster because of great love for my own family.

To God, Almighty, thank you for making me strong in all senses of being a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, sister, friend, and all other roles I play in life.

I am forever grateful to You, dear God. I love You.

T H E  10th L E T T E R

May 4, 2011 @ 8:22p.m.

Dear Baby2,

Howdy, my baby! It’s been a month since Mommy last wrote you a letter. Uh-oh, sorry, my baby, Mommy’s been very busy for the past month.

Anyway, I am so happy to let you know that we saw you for the first time (CLEARLY) in the ultrasound. And my goodness, my baby, you have a very beautiful nose (pwera bati). Daddy and Mommy were so happy to see  you, really. We’ve been paying so much at our previous clinic, and we didn’t see your face clearly during the series of ultrasounds conducted there. Glad that we changed our OB gyne and clinic last Monday.

My baby, we’re now on our 34th week. WOW. How time flies! Over 5 more weeks, baby, and we’ll gonna see each other! Yehey! Daddy, Mommy, and Ate A are all excited to see you. By the way, Mama won’t be able to go here next month, so, instead it will be Auntie N who will be with us for 1 month.

Last Saturday or Sunday, you weighed 1.55kg and the previous OB said that your supposed weight should be 1.9jkg. Mommy’s kinda worried then. After two days, when we went to our new OB, she said that you’re now weighing 1.667kg, close to 1.7kg and it’s good. Thank God that you gained weight in two days. I am sorry if you are starving, are you? But Mommy gained a good amount of 7kg in 3 months so I thought that you, too, are gaining weight. Anyway, I just hope that we’d both be safe next month, and healthy, too.

I need to play more songs for you, baby. I am sorry I’ve been very busy. I promise to attend to your learning for the remaining 5 weeks until you’re delivered. This reminds to me to listen to stories at the story nory, and the mozart songs, and read more stories to you. I am just so happy that you’re active in Mommy’s womb. Glad, too, that your position in Mommy’s womb is correct. Thank you, baby.

This is all for now, baby.

iloveyou,

mommy

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Last Monday, my husband and I went to Al Sakena Clinic in Farwaniya. I wish I had done it sooner and not later ( 7th month pregnancy). I wish I didn’t go to SIH for my prenatal checkups.

For the first time after so many ultrasounds of my baby, it was my first time to see my baby clearly! Previous ultrasounds were done in SIH and they weren’t clear. We’d pay KD40 for every visit. I’d hear my baby’s heartbeat, yeah, thank God, and the doctor would say everything is normal with the baby and me. On our last visit at SIH last week, we were told to go for another laboratory exam which meant, another KD48. When we paid KD40 for the ultrasound and consultation, and we felt that there was nothing extra special that was done, we thought of going to another private clinic. I thought of Al Sakena.

I immediately searched the Web for its number, but couldn’t find any. Fortunately, I wrote the clinics’ no. (+965 – 247504377) in my mini-notebook when I had my first pregnancy last year. It was also during my 7th month of pregnancy (in my 1st pregnancy) when we visited the clinic, and I felt that my money was, indeed, worth the services that I got from them. There’s this sort of connection, personal touch – same with my previous OB at Al Sakena, and the new OB that I have now from the clinic.

My hubby and I were so elated upon seeing clearly our daughter’s face ! Beautiful nose, beautiful face! And guess what, we only paid KD31 for the consultation, and for the laboratory tests. Since I already have a file with them, I didn’t pay KD5 for opening a new file.

The thing is, it’s not about money. It’s the quality of service that I am getting. I wish I’ve done it sooner to visit Al Sakena just upon knowing that I’m pregnant with my 2nd baby…

Image via Wikipedia

I’m on my 7th month of pregnancy now with my 2nd baby. And, as usual, I’m at the crossroad of finally deciding over the type of hospital to deliver my baby — public or private. The same dilemma that I had on my 1st pregnancy. During my 1st pregnancy, I had 6 OBGYNEs – 5 from private, 1 from public. I braved myself in delivering my baby at the public hospital. The nurse who delivered my baby was awesome! But the recovery period at the ward was ahhh unacceptable. (It’s hard when you’d deliver your baby in a public hospital at night time, and no visitors are no longer allowed)…

When I got pregnant with my 2nd baby, husband and I said that I’d deliver our baby at Al-Salam. During the course of my pregnancy, until now, I only have one OBGYNE. My mind was already then fixed at delivering my baby at Al-Salam. But the more that the weeks are getting shorter, the more that my mind is changing its stance — public versus private.

This morning, I went to Farwaniya Hospital where I delivered my 1st baby in 2009. Since I didn’t know how to speak in Arabic, I waited for some miracle that I could speak with someone who could converse in English or my native language. I strolled around the hospital from department to another department. I was able to talk with a kabayan nurse, and she said that I just needed a referral from my doctor, and there’s no need for me to open a file because I already have one. I went straight to the Maternity Department, and asked the clerk on what to do. She said I should go to Al-Sabah. I really didn’t understand her nor did she understand me. I just sat there waiting for something to dawn on me. I chatted with two kabayans who I thought were pregnant, too, but, later found out that they were there for the SONAR of their myomas.

With little info in hand on what to do with my file at the public hospital, I went home after mulling over my dilemma for two hours. But, I went home only after I roamed around the maternity. I visited the Examination Room, no, just glanced over the door, I mean. I viewed the wards. I tried to relive the memories of my first pregnancy and delivery. I surmised that, with God’s help and grace, I could do it again – at the public hospital.

Prayers, my three Patrons, confidence, and strong will are ingredients to having a successful pregnancy and delivery. My baby and I will be triumphant, I am certain of that. I pray that I will deliver my 2nd baby in the morning or mid-afternoon, and not at night time.